Put your right hand over where they told you where your heart is and repeat after me:
It is the fourth of July.
The day our forefathers declared independence from the tyranny of unjust rule.
And today I declare my OWN independence.
I declare independence from rubbery hot dogs made from who knows what made by people who don’t care about taste. Instead, I’ll grill chicken sausages.
I declare independence from mealy and gummy white bread with no taste. I’ll have some Farrell bread, thank you.
I declare independence from all foods not made with care or skill. I will eat a wonderful meal with family and friends today.
And the home of the brave.